Many Lies
We all have a part of us which guards some lies. White lies, insignificant lies,
life-changing lies, Benevolent lies et al. There are times I want to purge them out and feel catharsis.
But then I realize everybody does that. Everybody does a little bit of ‘doing it up’ and ‘making the facts
squeaky clean’ When in fact there is more to it. It really does ring true when all you’re watching around
you is clean manipulations passed off as ability par excellence without a blink.
Yes. A Blink. That’s all the others can do when they’re a part of neither the victims nor the assaulters.
With an overloaded conscience like mine, all you can ever do is try and find ways to feel bad about
Whatever good you’ve done. Skip the unintentional bad things, by then certified sins. It’s almost like
a disorder, something like an OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) to punish yourself. To review it
like an unending tape, running over and over, like scratching a cut on your hand, almost Chinese torture
to the power of ten and what not. Not that I can help it. Sigh.
I resigned from my workplace two days ago. It was well past it’s time and I know I’d invite some knowing
looks here. A lot of things changed during these months of working in a Call Center. More than I’d had
the foresight, then, to imagine.
Some things changed irrevocably. Some people did. Some relationships did. Some emotions did.
I did not realize most of it even when transpiring, not even after it happened. Call it numbness or
Plain idiocy or a very cruel Plan by fate.
I killed something inside Me. Something that defined me in an age, was now dead. A lot of
‘somethings’ and a very few words. It’s like what a French dictionary is to a Philipino.
Not to be categorized as an Emo-blogger or anything, it’s just an attempt to accept losing in some ways
more easily than others. There is no harm in accepting your misjudgments and old mistakes’ are only as
much as their life’s worth. I don’t win by forcing over the past but I win when the past leads me
happily to the present, the future.
For some people, even happiness is like a stolen guilty pleasure. It’s more than their life’s worth to not
Feel undeserving for any act of kindness on them.
Rapunzel.
life-changing lies, Benevolent lies et al. There are times I want to purge them out and feel catharsis.
But then I realize everybody does that. Everybody does a little bit of ‘doing it up’ and ‘making the facts
squeaky clean’ When in fact there is more to it. It really does ring true when all you’re watching around
you is clean manipulations passed off as ability par excellence without a blink.
Yes. A Blink. That’s all the others can do when they’re a part of neither the victims nor the assaulters.
With an overloaded conscience like mine, all you can ever do is try and find ways to feel bad about
Whatever good you’ve done. Skip the unintentional bad things, by then certified sins. It’s almost like
a disorder, something like an OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) to punish yourself. To review it
like an unending tape, running over and over, like scratching a cut on your hand, almost Chinese torture
to the power of ten and what not. Not that I can help it. Sigh.
I resigned from my workplace two days ago. It was well past it’s time and I know I’d invite some knowing
looks here. A lot of things changed during these months of working in a Call Center. More than I’d had
the foresight, then, to imagine.
Some things changed irrevocably. Some people did. Some relationships did. Some emotions did.
I did not realize most of it even when transpiring, not even after it happened. Call it numbness or
Plain idiocy or a very cruel Plan by fate.
I killed something inside Me. Something that defined me in an age, was now dead. A lot of
‘somethings’ and a very few words. It’s like what a French dictionary is to a Philipino.
Not to be categorized as an Emo-blogger or anything, it’s just an attempt to accept losing in some ways
more easily than others. There is no harm in accepting your misjudgments and old mistakes’ are only as
much as their life’s worth. I don’t win by forcing over the past but I win when the past leads me
happily to the present, the future.
For some people, even happiness is like a stolen guilty pleasure. It’s more than their life’s worth to not
Feel undeserving for any act of kindness on them.
Rapunzel.
posted by Priyanka @ 4:53 AM
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