Opal Dreams_

Pre-Script : This is not about what you think it is.

I lost a loved one Thursday midnight. My Grandma. She was a beautiful human being and that is an understatement. She lived a very very simple life and I can very proudly say that I've never met anyone (and I'm sure I won't ever meet someone) who's been as content with their life as she was.

The title of this post is w. r. t the fact that there is always a person/period in your life that makes you think that you could've been more expressive or articulate a person. I wanted to be that with Her. With the love and respect I have for her. She was ever so innocent with whatever she did, felt, said and gave.

I'm sure she's chatting with my Grandpa, both in unison laughing, sweet-quarelling and loving each other's togetherness in the Lord's Garden of Heaven.

I Love You, both.

Amen.

Rapunzel.

I said, " Like you'd go mad if you ended up reading up hyper-solutions to situations which may actually just need a little bit of patience to deal with. For example, when you talk about having a hard time adjusting to your new workplace or a hard time accepting a few new realities in your life, be it anything, atleast I wouldn't end up contemplating scooting off to the Himalayas (though it appears tempting) and I'd rather look for something inside me to instigate improvement."

He said,"Hmm, okay then. We'll be late, Let's leave."

"Sure."

A tensed minute followed. I was holding on to him as we reached the place. We walked on, further.

Ishqiya was more than a movie. Something that is desperate to be subtle and so accidently ends up being repetitive.

you forget to feel elated about a loved one's birthday. It doesn't even count if you give Re.1 extra everyday since the last 2-3 weeks to the rickshaw waala for a minimum 9 Rs ride from the station these days.Thats just an example per se.

you change into someone you'd remotely had an imagination of. You start realizing there are certain emotions you are supposed to feel and there are certain ones you just cant help but feel. The question would begin whether it's making you a better person or just asking a little too much of your true self. every little thing you'd try to fix or make perfect sometimes turns into a messy account of how not to go about certain things.
I feel many of these emotions and a lot many more. more and so much varied.

I just told him today, "Self-help books are for losers."

He replied calmly, "It's for anyone wanting to improve."

" They ask you to feel how they want you to feel and so they're not letting you be YOU.If there is a problem with you, you would come out of it anyway...with so many of these being pyschosomatic issues, a little misinterpretation of a few words could lead the man to an entirely different path altogether."

"Like what?"

To be Continued.


Rapunzel

And when the Sun was born, you looked deep into her eyes...
She blushed and spilt the redness over her face like blood;
With a caress as soft as a rose's kiss, she locked her desires in the dark cells of her thoughts and left the room, taking all the colour and life with her.

You sat there, almost lifeless.The sweat forming on your brow was now trickling down your cheek. How you wished it was blood,for she deserved nothing lesser. You got up,
you smiled at the sun peeping into your window.

How lovely had it been, only five days ago when Adora was with you, you thought.
And then you remembered you were a part of this fairy tale...But there is always
'a happily ever after' there... Why different with you?
But then you realized Men wrote them, not God.


I wish of the poison with burning love,
Coz I see no ruth in the Almighty ,above.

Colourblind, you make me Adora; I await in real pain;
Is this real love or just unreal magic,
which folds over me like a mother's grip,

Why do I blind in the sharpness of thy thought?
Why do I cry with mirth at the childish lovely laugh?
There's this magic inside the purity you carry, Adora, which entwines my heart to thine, which makes me fall at my knees and say I love you, all over again...


You wrote this to Adora just before you died in that cell.



(An excerpt of a past Life experience being told by a spectator to the involved young Man, Max and his current life wife Adora, who had recently died of accident.The experiences resolved that they had been together for the past four lives and none of them ended with them being together.)

We all have a part of us which guards some lies. White lies, insignificant lies,
life-changing lies, Benevolent lies et al. There are times I want to purge them out and feel catharsis.
But then I realize everybody does that. Everybody does a little bit of ‘doing it up’ and ‘making the facts
squeaky clean’ When in fact there is more to it. It really does ring true when all you’re watching around
you is clean manipulations passed off as ability par excellence without a blink.

Yes. A Blink. That’s all the others can do when they’re a part of neither the victims nor the assaulters.

With an overloaded conscience like mine, all you can ever do is try and find ways to feel bad about
Whatever good you’ve done. Skip the unintentional bad things, by then certified sins. It’s almost like
a disorder, something like an OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) to punish yourself. To review it
like an unending tape, running over and over, like scratching a cut on your hand, almost Chinese torture
to the power of ten and what not. Not that I can help it. Sigh.

I resigned from my workplace two days ago. It was well past it’s time and I know I’d invite some knowing
looks here. A lot of things changed during these months of working in a Call Center. More than I’d had
the foresight, then, to imagine.

Some things changed irrevocably. Some people did. Some relationships did. Some emotions did.
I did not realize most of it even when transpiring, not even after it happened. Call it numbness or
Plain idiocy or a very cruel Plan by fate.

I killed something inside Me. Something that defined me in an age, was now dead. A lot of
‘somethings’ and a very few words. It’s like what a French dictionary is to a Philipino.
Not to be categorized as an Emo-blogger or anything, it’s just an attempt to accept losing in some ways
more easily than others. There is no harm in accepting your misjudgments and old mistakes’ are only as
much as their life’s worth. I don’t win by forcing over the past but I win when the past leads me
happily to the present, the future.

For some people, even happiness is like a stolen guilty pleasure. It’s more than their life’s worth to not
Feel undeserving for any act of kindness on them.



Rapunzel.

Let Go, 09.

Two Thousand and Nine. Yes, as ever, the year is followed by a small sign of Period. Like every year comes to an end, even an excruciatingly painful wound; a beautiful walk along the most picturesque locales and even more so of that, the moments in those walks; a lot of promises; a lot of unborn love; very sickening memories; people you were glad you met; people you'd want to backspace in life; some guilt and some gullibility; roughly the square root of an era, very unkindly distributed, into a lot of emotions: Love, content, magic, Realism, turmoil, guilt, cruelty, exhaustion, stress, discomfort, immeasurable beauty, de-ja-vus, attempted-homicide-of-the-conscience, friendships and nostalgia attached to every year end.

Yes, a lot of emotions mentioned above are not generalized.

For most of us, the year end does signify an attempt to plant a new seed in the farm of our life. A lot of us want to begin the New Year with a new self. Many want the good
thing to continue.

I didn’t as much as think twice before making a few decisions and for some, it took me a life to decide. I’ve realized that there are some choices you have to make with your heart being the judge and not your head (highly clichéd, highly overlooked & horribly true).
Of course, this doesn’t imply your heart doesn’t get involved in due time, but you always get down to the way it is from the way it started.


You always make certain impressions when you meet a new person or you meet someone after a brief while in your life. A few untold truths and you have a whole new dimension of that person. I had met an amazing person this year. Someone who could appreciate the honesty in me and reciprocate it with the completeness of his own. I wish him all the love and happiness. 

This year did bring a lot of coming-of-age instances. What with a little disconnect from
Some special people (who have apparently no inkling of the importance they hold)
I actually learnt to give people their space. No Sarcasm Intended (For all the people who know my love for it  ). It’s a revelation. In spite of knowing the term for ages, I never really believed in the ‘giving space’ funda when it came to people who I was/am very close to. Aall Izz Well, I can say now. 


The Year end, a new beginning of something special and beautiful and unexpected.


I wish everyone a very beautiful, fulfilling and a safe New Year. May every good deed you did be rewarded and love and success follow your path.


Rapunzel.


Peace.

Come with me to this distant land,
Where there are Lilies growing on sand,
where there is beauty but without a muse,

Where there is a Man who loves a thorn,
and the Rose lays forgotten; so forlorn.

Push me into the whirling pool of thoughts,
Let me be lost and dizzy in the emptiness, the vacuum,
Play with the little hair in my hand,
Sing me the most tearful of songs;

Yes, Come with me there to the distant land,
Where I can make you meet with my most cherished memories,
You'll be glad, the mirth will show in your eyes and lips,
Your blood with its redness will feel the orange warmth of happiness.

Your happiest of times will come back to you, to kiss you just for a moment
and leave you in the next, so that you realize that it happened,
and you will smile coz it happened.

And then you'll cry because you had to go back,
And then there will never be those maroon marbles on the sand,
All there will be , is the moist green eyes still seeing what they saw ages ago.
laughing at those unreal things called memories, you'll cry and bid a goodbye only to return to them Just before you die.


Rapunzel.